Peace at Last

Mom passed away yesterday. Her longtime caregiver, Eva was with her. Eva had just finishing cleaning Mom and was brushing her hair and rubbing the back of her neck. Mom's hand dropped from her lap, her face turned pale and she stopped breathing. It's a sweet peaceful end to such an arduous journey. Mom was with her loving aide who she adored - and Eva loved her.
Mom suffers no longer. And those of us who loved her don't have to watch her languish any more. I hope the time comes quickly when I can think only of Mom in her vibrant, vital life, and diminish the dominance of her long journey to finally rest. 

Ready, Get Set, Wait

My rabbi, Les Gutterman, has called me a few times to check in on how things are going with mom.  My answer yesterday was that she is the same, just that there is less of her.  She is rarely awake.  She eats sometimes, maybe two light meals a day at the most.  On Sunday, all she had was a glass of orange juice.  But her appetite jumped back up today and she ate a sandwich. A few days ago, when she had lost interest in eating, it seemed like she wanted to let death to come take her.  But then she got hungry and figuratively took back her seat at the table. The ping pong, down and up, out and in is so hard.  We think we are losing her and then she will bounce back - talking lucidly on the phone or singing with the music therapist.  But mostly, she lays on her hospital bed, newly set up in her den, mumbling constantly, unaware of anything beyond her reconcocted history that plays round and round in her head.  Rabbi describes this time as "Ready, Set, Wait".  We are, we are, we are.